Critique~~Mooneye~

Dont's~~

• I don't think starting a paragraph with a introductory-kinda phrase like "This is Amar, the wealthy snobbish boy.." etc.. is a good idea..
• I could not diffrentiate between the past and the presenct occurence of the storyline. It seems not clear to be stated out.
• Too much imagery might be a little too much as the imagery made me skip few words before getting to the real point.

Do's~~

• I really love with all the imagery the writer used to describe each and every single thing or situation..very broad imagination that I could not get..until I have to REREAD.
• I like the Asianisation of the writer's work to show that he experienced all that.

Dear writer of Mooneye ,

You have done a really brilliant fiction!! Good job..but..there are some points you have to put a pull-stop to it do not over do-it IF you are targeting the green generation..they might be too young to understand..
overall, I love it!

Good luck!

The Starter ~as in having a perfect, satisfactory meal..

The Sun is just about to go away, leaving behind a very dim light of warmth at the very end of the yellowish brown paddy field, for it is the harvest season. Slowly and carefully with the help of his barefoot, he felt the muddy soil in the dim light helping him on trail back to his old hut. The sound of Adzan from the nearby mosque had break the calmness of wind blowing along with the cricketing crikets sound. No other thing in his mind except to arrive home safely and hand over the catfish he won as a reward from Pak Jintan, for helping the old wealthy man at his paddy field. Wrapped in sweat, mud and few paddy leaves that stuck on his arms, he finally reaches his 'castle'. Slowly putting down the fish on the altar, he grabs for water using the coconut shell inside an old greenish pail and washes the dirt on his feet leaving behind fresh earthly smell of his feet to set on the balcony.

Qreekk...qreekkk..
The sound of the plank wood as he step inside the hut.
"Sam, where have you been? I've been look all over the village for you! I need you to dig for some ubi kayu for our dinner!"
Obviously, the sound he made just now had make his presence comes to his grandmother's sense. He climbs up into the living room, carrying the catfish- masak lemak ikan keli, his favourite dish straight away appears in his mind.
"I'm sorry, mak"
That is all he can say as he shows her the reward he got for them as meals for tonight. In the dim light of the oil lamp, he can see his grandmothers smile brightly..