- I don't think starting a paragraph with a introductory-kinda phrase like "This is Amar, the wealthy snobbish boy.." etc.. is a good idea..
- I could not diffrentiate between the past and the presenct occurence of the storyline. It seems not clear to be stated out.
- Too much imagery might be a little too much as the imagery made me skip few words before getting to the real point.
Do's~~
- I really love with all the imagery the writer used to describe each and every single thing or situation..very broad imagination that I could not get..until I have to REREAD.
- I like the Asianisation of the writer's work to show that he experienced all that.
You have done a really brilliant fiction!! Good job..but..there are some points you have to put a pull-stop to it do not over do-it IF you are targeting the green generation..they might be too young to understand..
overall, I love it!
Good luck!
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